30 Days of Thanks - Day 9

Today I am Thankful for 

My Marriage

Our Wedding Day

Our 1st Anniversary 

The day we found out we were expecting.

Our Family 5 years after we said " I Do".

I am thankful for a loving Husband. We have had plenty of seasons in our marriage that we had to "work". I am thankful that we were able to stick together and make it through those tough days. I am thankful that we have one another for good, bad, sickness, and health. I don't know who or where I would be without my helpmate. I am glad that everyday I can smile and be glad because I am loved and have someone who I can love. I am thankful for God hearing my prayer for a soulmate and answering with the perfect person for me, my Husband. 

Two Are Better Than One 

What are you Thankful for today ? If you start a "30 days of Thanks" post on your blog, Facebook, or Twitter, let me know about it ! Each day this month I plan to post something that I am thankful for big or small. I hope that you too think of things in your life that you can also be thankful for. I hope that you will have a blessed experience ! 

Shalasha

You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Pintrest.

Love your Spouse as they grow....

Can you say to your spouse “ I will love you now and as you grow and develop into all that God intends”?

It is natural for people to change as we develop throughout life. Some of these changes are brought upon by the stage of life you are in. For example, parenthood brings about new priorities and a different view of what is important in life.

In addition, God has a plan for us all. God does not always show us this plan at all once. To achieve the destiny that God has in store for us often we have to learn or earn our stripes. To become that person we need to be for God we will have to grow. Not all stages of growth are easy or beautiful. Some of those stages may have rocky waters.

God placed you with your spouse to be a helpmate and to love your and support your spouse during their spiritual growth.

In my own marriage I have had to face some rocky waters. I learned a great life lesson. I prayed for patience and God tested me with a difficult situation. Now I know that all things come in due time. In addition, life is bigger than you. It is about all those who are around us. Improving and enriching others brings about our own personal growth as well.

If your spouse has changed think about events, situations, or reasons why this change has occurred. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes to understand their perspective. Embrace new ideas and goals. Support your spouse with encouragement and most importantly prayer.

When my husband first decided to attend medical school we were still in college and engaged. I didn’t think he would get accepted, after all the chances are so slim. I thought we would teach, live in our home county forever, and just have a normal life.

His acceptance letter came one month before we said I do. Two years of living apart, my motto was: “One day at a Time.” I have to tell you each of those days felt like a year.

Now my motto is: “ I will stand beside you and encourage you no matter how long or how far it takes us”.

My husband encourages my dreams and goals as well. In my goal to become a better educator I am pursuing a Master’s.

We take turns lifting one another. He listens, helps me figure things out, and watches our son while I type research papers. When I feel like I want to give in he reassures me that I am capable of getting it done.

The path that your marriage may lead may not be where you expected to go. Be flexible for God has been flexible with you. Communicate with your spouse your feelings and I am sure that they will understand your concerns. In communicating you can gain a better understanding of your spouse’s adapted goals.

The most important thing in your marriage is that you are working together. No matter how big or small your goals are, working together will create a bond. Love your spouse, as they become all that God intends for them to be.

Marriage is  a labor of  love, it takes work, time, and commit to allow it to grow.   I hope you are able to use these insights to create and/or maintain your "Loving Lasting Marriage". In addition, Pray together and Seek God together if you are seeking your Loving Lasting Marriage.

Shalasha

You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Pintrest.

Wednesday Spiritual Encouragement

Leaning on The Lord

        There seems to be so many things going on in our lives at the moment.

I have three countdowns going on: Until Match Day, Until My Husbands Graduation, and until our VACATION.

As I stated when I first began this blog there is a million things going on in our lives. With a Husband in Medical school our schedule is crazy at times depending on what rotation he is doing at the hospital.  Then we (mostly me) are stressed as this chapter in our life winds down and a new chapter is beginning.

Stress can affect other parts of your life including your marriage. Luckily I am married to a spouse that is cool as a cucumber and brings me back down to earth.

But My greatest comforter is The Lord.

 I need to always remember that The Savior said,

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:29-30.)

I just need to cast all my concerns to the Lord and allow him to take control.

Do you ever have a problem that you need to turn over to God’s control but you continue to worry about it?

Today I’m going give it to him and Trust that we will be placed in a prefect situation for our family.

God has brought us this far and has never left us. His Grace is Amazing!




I hope that through this scripture you and your spouse are encouraged to cast your cares and needs upon the Lord. I encourage you to Pray together and Seek God together if you are seeking your “Loving Lasting Marriage”.

Shalasha

Wednesday Spiritual Encouragement

Trusting In God

This week, My dear friend  shares a personal experience in her Marriage in which God proves that trusting in him can lead to strengthening not only our marriage but also our walk with him. I hope that this week's spiritual encouragement strengthens your walk with the Lord as well.

Shalasha

When God tells you to move, He isn’t joking around! Two months ago, I was a stay-at-home-mommy with a nice teaching job that allowed me to work for only 6 hours a week. This meant I could bring in a little money for my family, but could also “be with” my kids.

Then one night, my husband and I began a stressful conversation about money and how, if we continued on the our current financial path, we would not be able to put our kids into the school of our choice – let alone afford any kind of vacation without the financial help of our parents, any big luxuries (like a much needed mattress), or even be able to save money. I mean, things were tight, but I always thought we could manage. I do want to add that I’m extremely blessed to have married a man who does not believe in “going into debt”! He firmly lives out his life with the philosophy that “if we don’t have it – we don’t spend it!” and it has worked for us – until we began thinking about our kids future. So, my “wonderful” husband told me that he believed I should find a job! I thought “What!!? How in the world can my husband ask me to LEAVE my kids to go work and be OK with someone else taking care of my babies?!”.

But, don’t you know I felt God tell me to at least look for a job. And I did…and I found a part-time position that sounded interesting. The idea of part-time was great because I could work and still “be with” my kids! A small voice told me to apply and as I was updating my resume, I was talking with God. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: God, this is a part-time job. There’s no way it will pay me what is needed to afford daycare AND help our family’s budget.

God: Trust Me.

Me: God, I don’t want to put my kids in daycare.

God: Trust Me.

Me: God, this is really scary.

God: Trust Me, Child.

So, I applied. I told my husband and he was impressed, to say the least, because he knew my strong reluctancy on the matter. A couple of weeks later, I got the call for an interview. The interview went great! I loved my would-be boss, the job itself, my co-workers, the idea of having my own office (with a window!) and the potential for growth. I told them my acceptance would be dependent on finding a good daycare, so my husband and I began looking around. We went to every daycare and didn’t like ANY of them. Constantly praying for God to show us the “pros” and “cons”, we walked into the last daycare and felt peace! We loved the environment, the staff, how clean it was, etc…but there were no openings for my youngest child! I have to be honest...I was excited inside; because I thought this was God “closing the door” on this job and that I could stay at home with my kids! Boy was I wrong. The director called me the next day and said she could squeeze my kids in and gave me their start date!

I immediately started crying. My husband was so torn in knowing what would be best for our family and wanting me to be happy – that he only said 3 words: “pray about it”. And, I did! I went into my closet and fussed with God! I did! I told Him how I felt and how uncomfortable I was with this situation and asked him to make it as clear-as-day to me what I needed to do, because I did not want to make any mistakes with this huge decision.

God never lets us down.

God is always in control.

God knows what’s best for our family.

God knew what He was doing when He put my husband into my life.

God knew my husband would ignite this “job-hunting” process which would ultimately benefit our entire family.

God is trustworthy.

            So, when I called this job back and told them I had a daycare picked out, they told me how much they were willing to pay me and it was clear-as-day what my decision was going to be.

God answers prayers.

            Here we are, 4 weeks of working a job and my kids being in daycare. We are still alive! I’m not going to lie…there were adjustments and hardships to get past in the beginning but, I see so many benefits already!

I love my job!

I’m working with Christians!

My youngest kid loves her teachers!

My oldest comes home singing new songs and talks about his “friends”!

I feel like God can use me more now than ever before.

            Now that this huge change has taken place, I can say that I trust God. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to say it before with real meaning…but, after this change, I know God is trustworthy! And it all began with my wonderful husband, listening to the call of God to make changes in his family!

Ashley

National Marriage Week Real Love Stories

Romans 8:28 : And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (KJ)

I was lead to find this wonderful blog: The Purpose for Pain. I was immediately drawn to the writer. Her words but also her story, her life, speaks to me. Through her pain her Love for God still shines.

I am sure that her Love Story will speak to you as well as her Love and Trust in God.

Shalasha

After graduating from college with my nursing degree I headed to a land of great beauty and intense suffering—Uganda East Africa. God called me to serve as a missionary sharing His hope to those with a chronic illness, HIV/AIDS. Little did I know that four years later I'd be battling my own mysterious illness. I joined a doctor and his wife, and I took the position knowing I would most likely serve my term without any other young teammates. This was scary for me as an extrovert used to living with roommates and socializing on a daily basis, but I trusted God would provide the companionship I needed.

The first six months in Uganda were extremely lonely. I remember waking up wanting to vomit because I did not know how I would make it two years in a foreign country, but God gave the grace to press on. Nine months later I found out a young single guy would be joining our team. My teammates teased that he would be my future husband, but upon his arrival his shy and sometimes awkward personality assured me we would only be friends.

As we got to know each other better I began to see a different side of him.  We began talking online, and I learned he was a great communicator and had a love for God’s word.   I was interested in a guy I had met a few months before going overseas, but I was thankful for the new friendship. However, I began to have a change of heart when he volunteered to cook dinner and run errands to help me when I had a volunteer team from the States staying with me. I learned he was considerate and helpful and had a lot of the qualities I wanted in a husband.  

In the past I had dated guys who said they “loved” me, but they did not have the love the Bible speaks of in 1 Corinthians 13 or the love a husband should have for his wife (Ephesians 5:25-28).  Because my heart had been broken in the past I was not interested in dating.  I had been praying that God would bring me a man who would pursue me with intentions and not treat my heart lightly.  I set my standards high because I had given my heart away too easily in the past to guys who were not honorable.  I decided I would rather be single my entire life than settle for a man who was not God’s best for me.

The more I talked with my teammate about God and the Bible I saw that he possessed these standards, not to mention others that I was attracted to.  I also came to see that some of the qualities I had been attracted to in other guys were not important. As I became more attracted to him I prayed for several months that he would pursue me if he was the man God had,

Finally after months of getting to know each other and praying, God confirmed my feelings when my teammate took me aside and told me he loved me and wanted to pursue me in a relationship toward marriage. It was amazing to see God work to bring us together. Soon after he revealed his intentions, I moved back to the States while he stayed in Africa to complete his assignment. Thirteen months of intercontinental romance was difficult to say the least, but God sustained us and we were married only five weeks after my husband returned to the States. 

We spent our first few months of marriage dating since we spent such little time together in person while "courting".  Our promise to love and care for each other in sickness and in health was quickly tested when I began experiencing a rare type of pelvic pain a month before our first wedding anniversary. We were blessed with a little girl during our second year of marriage, but little by little the life we once knew was turned upside down as my physical pain became debilitating. Virtually every aspect of our young marriage, which is now four years old, has been strained. The life of travel and “doing” that we loved so much is no longer possible as the pain often confines me to my home. We live in a town where we never wanted to live and my husband works a job he didn’t plan to work only to come home and have to help care for me, the house and our daughter. Despite seeing some of the best doctors in the country my pain remains, and we do not know if I will regain a better quality of life this side of heaven.

It is easy to feel like our situation is grim, but we know and trust that God in His loving providence is orchestrating the events of our life for His glory and our good, and it's only by His grace that our marriage has endured. Jesus is the flame that keeps our marriage alive, not love, or sex, or common interests, or children, or memories, or even friendship.

So what do you do when the realities of life and marriage come crashing down? How do you ensure a loving, lasting marriage in the midst of chronic illness or intense suffering or just normal everyday life? What do you do when you wake up and you don’t feel like you love your spouse or you hate the life God’s given you?

·       The first step to a loving, lasting marriage is Jesus. We love because God loved us first by sending His Son to die for our sins. (1 John 4:7-11) Do you know Him?

·       Pull hard from your roots (Psalm 1:1-3) and lean on God’s grace and strength, not your feelings. In order to find this strength you must follow Him.

·       Remember your God ordained roles (Ephesians 5:22-33). If a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church then the wife will gladly submit to her husband and vice versa.

·       Put your trust in God and his sovereignty, not your circumstances. (Romans 8:28-32)

·       Find your joy, satisfaction, and purpose in the Lord and not your spouse. It is inevitable—our spouses will frustrate us, but God will never disappoint us.

·       Remember the purpose of marriage—to be a living testimony of Christ and his church (Ephesians 5:31-32)—and keep this primary.

Marriage is a gift, but it’s temporary. We are not promised an easy marriage full of the blessings of intimacy, children, dreams, and friendship. It is not ultimately designed for our enjoyment or for procreation. God designed marriage from the beginning to be a picture of Jesus Christ and His covenant with the Church, those who have trusted Jesus for their salvation, which He purchased through his death and resurrection.

While our current situation is not what I would have ever dreamed would happen when my husband and I married, I trust that this is God's perfect plan for us and that our suffering allows us the opportunity to glorify God more than if life had followed our plan. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband who is extremely patient, caring, and understanding. He tells me again and again that he would still marry me had he known the suffering our marriage would endure. Our prayer is that the world would see that nothing can sustain us or our marriage but Christ.

Read more from the author as she strives to trust God daily at “The Purpose of Pain” . She can also be found on twitter or on her Facebook page . 

Marrying for the RIGHT Reasons

This post is directed to answer two thoughtful questions asked by blog followers. I enjoy your comments and your opinions. I hope you all continue to read and share!

How do you KNOW that you should marry someone?  I feel that there are many factors you should consider before you decide that marriage with someone is the correct choice.

1. Emotional Reasons: Are you marrying to fill a void? Are you marrying to beat the clock? Are you marrying because it’s the “right” thing to do? There are many emotional reasons people marry and they are all the wrong reasons! 

In my opinion, I feel that YOU should address your emotional issues before marriage. Marriage will only be a crutch and unhappiness will creep up again. Marry for Love not to fill voids.

2. Lust or Love: Are you marrying someone due to chemistry or deeper reasons? I agree that chemistry is important but Love grows with character and respect.  When you are considering a person to Marry think to yourself:

·      Are there characteristics of this person that I would like to have?

·      Is this person kind to others?

·      Is this person dependable and trustworthy?

·      Does this person have a happy outlook on life?

·      Would I want my child to turn out like this person?

3. Goals and Priorities: When marrying someone you should have common goals and priorities. You should be on a common path.  For example, if you want children and the other person does not, this can be a huge roadblock in your relationship. Before you marry you should have an in-depth discussion of general goals and priorities. If there are differences then a discussion should take place to determine if you and/or your partner are willing to make compromises.

4. Abusive Behaviors:  Many relationships end due to some type of abuse. Before your Marriage you should be aware of any type of behaviors that may lead to future abuse. Abuse can range from emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. Many people confuse “control” with Love.  Is the person giving you advice or “telling” you what to do for their benefit?

5.  Unknown Circumstances: Do you have your future spouse have any skeletons in your closet?  This can range from health issues, family issues, or financial issues. Have a conversation where you and your future spouse lay out all your cards on the table. You will be surprised to know how many people say if I knew X, Y, or Z I would have had different thoughts on marriage to that person.

How long should you date before you marry ?

This is a very great question because I feel that this ranges from couple to couple. My husband and I dated for 7 years before we married but that was due to our young age when we started dating. In addition, we also decided to wait until we graduated college before marriage.

I feel that your relationship should have time to mature from the “puppy dog” stage into a “mature love” stage.  In addition, I feel that you and your future spouse should experience a miscommunication or disagreement and have a positive resolution to this issue.  If you have great communication with your partner and are able to effectively compromise I feel that you will be able to handle future miscommunications.

In my opinion, at least a full year is needed to grow your love from the “puppy dog” stage into a “mature love” stage.  The act of “getting married” is fun and exciting. However, Marriage is a labor of love.  Nothing worth having is easy. 

I didn’t begin this blog to be exclusive about God and our Marriages but that is what is tugging at my heart the most.  In the Love Story Post, Follower Ashley states that her Love Story began when she returned to God.

How amazing it is that God has our Love Stories already written for us?

Sometimes we choose the mate that we want and not the mate that we need.

Sometimes we decide and not follow.

Sometimes we are arrogant and not humble.

Pray together and Seek God together if you are seeking your Loving Lasting Marriage.

Shalasha