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Romans 8:28 : And we know that all things work
together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according
to his purpose. (KJ)
I was lead to find this
wonderful blog: The Purpose for Pain. I was immediately drawn to the writer. Her
words but also her story, her life, speaks to me. Through her pain her Love for
God still shines.
I am sure that her Love Story
will speak to you as well as her Love and Trust in God.
Shalasha
After graduating from college with my nursing degree I headed to a land of great beauty and intense suffering—Uganda East Africa. God called me to serve as a missionary sharing His hope to those with a chronic illness, HIV/AIDS. Little did I know that four years later I'd be battling my own mysterious illness. I joined a doctor and his wife, and I took the position knowing I would most likely serve my term without any other young teammates. This was scary for me as an extrovert used to living with roommates and socializing on a daily basis, but I trusted God would provide the companionship I needed.
The first six months in Uganda were extremely lonely. I
remember waking up wanting to vomit because I did not know how I would make it
two years in a foreign country, but God gave the grace to press on. Nine months
later I found out a young single guy would be joining our team. My teammates
teased that he would be my future husband, but upon his arrival his shy and
sometimes awkward personality assured me we would only be friends.
As we got to know each other better I began to see a
different side of him. We began
talking online, and I learned he was a great communicator and had a love for
God’s word. I was interested
in a guy I had met a few months before going overseas, but I was thankful for
the new friendship. However, I began to have a change of heart when he
volunteered to cook dinner and run errands to help me when I had a volunteer
team from the States staying with me. I learned he was considerate and helpful
and had a lot of the qualities I wanted in a husband.
In the past I had dated guys who said they “loved” me, but
they did not have the love the Bible speaks of in 1 Corinthians 13 or the love
a husband should have for his wife (Ephesians 5:25-28). Because my heart had been broken in the
past I was not interested in dating.
I had been praying that God would bring me a man who would pursue me
with intentions and not treat my heart lightly. I set my standards high because I had given my heart away
too easily in the past to guys who were not honorable. I decided I would rather be single my
entire life than settle for a man who was not God’s best for me.
The more I talked with my teammate about God and the Bible I
saw that he possessed these standards, not to mention others that I was
attracted to. I also came to see
that some of the qualities I had been attracted to in other guys were not
important. As I became more attracted to him I prayed for several months that
he would pursue me if he was the man God had,
Finally after months of getting to know each other and
praying, God confirmed my feelings when my teammate took me aside and told me
he loved me and wanted to pursue me in a relationship toward marriage. It was amazing
to see God work to bring us together. Soon after he revealed his intentions, I
moved back to the States while he stayed in Africa to complete his assignment.
Thirteen months of intercontinental romance was difficult to say the least, but
God sustained us and we were married only five weeks after my husband returned
to the States.
We spent our first few months of marriage dating since we
spent such little time together in person while "courting". Our promise to love and care for each
other in sickness and in health was quickly tested when I began experiencing a
rare type of pelvic pain a month before our first wedding anniversary. We were
blessed with a little girl during our second year of marriage, but little by
little the life we once knew was turned upside down as my physical pain became
debilitating. Virtually every aspect of our young marriage, which is now four
years old, has been strained. The life of travel and “doing” that we loved so
much is no longer possible as the pain often confines me to my home. We live in
a town where we never wanted to live and my husband works a job he didn’t plan
to work only to come home and have to help care for me, the house and our
daughter. Despite seeing some of the best doctors in the country my pain
remains, and we do not know if I will regain a better quality of life this side
of heaven.
It is easy to feel like our situation is grim, but we know
and trust that God in His loving providence is orchestrating the events of our
life for His glory and our good, and it's only by His grace that our marriage
has endured. Jesus is the flame that keeps our marriage alive, not love, or
sex, or common interests, or children, or memories, or even friendship.
So what do you do when the realities of life and marriage
come crashing down? How do you ensure a loving, lasting marriage in the midst
of chronic illness or intense suffering or just normal everyday life? What do
you do when you wake up and you don’t feel like you love your spouse or you
hate the life God’s given you?
·
The first step to a loving, lasting marriage is
Jesus. We love because God loved us first by sending His Son to die for our
sins. (1 John 4:7-11) Do you know Him?
·
Pull hard from your roots (Psalm 1:1-3) and lean
on God’s grace and strength, not your feelings. In order to find this strength
you must follow Him.
·
Remember your God ordained roles (Ephesians
5:22-33). If a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church then the wife
will gladly submit to her husband and vice versa.
·
Put your trust in God and his sovereignty, not
your circumstances. (Romans 8:28-32)
·
Find your joy, satisfaction, and purpose in the
Lord and not your spouse. It is inevitable—our spouses will frustrate us, but
God will never disappoint us.
·
Remember the purpose of marriage—to be a living
testimony of Christ and his church (Ephesians 5:31-32)—and keep this primary.
Marriage is a gift, but it’s temporary. We are not promised
an easy marriage full of the blessings of intimacy, children, dreams, and
friendship. It is not ultimately designed for our enjoyment
or for procreation. God designed marriage from the beginning to be a picture of
Jesus Christ and His covenant with the Church, those who have trusted Jesus for
their salvation, which He purchased through his death and resurrection.
While our current situation is not what I would have ever
dreamed would happen when my husband and I married, I trust that this is God's
perfect plan for us and that our suffering allows us the opportunity to glorify
God more than if life had followed our plan. God has blessed me with a
wonderful husband who is extremely patient, caring, and understanding. He tells
me again and again that he would still marry me had he known the suffering our
marriage would endure. Our prayer is that the world would see that nothing can
sustain us or our marriage but Christ.
Read more from the author as she strives to trust God
daily at “The Purpose
of Pain” . She can also be found on twitter or on her Facebook page
.
