Have you ever considered Divorce ?

I am sure you are reading this because you are head over heels in love with your spouse and you don’t have ANY problems, right?

Have you and your spouse ever considered Divorce?

Did you know?

Divorce statistics in the United States

To avoid divorce we must understand the reasons behind divorce.

The Top 10 Reasons People Divorce

As you read the #1 reason for Divorce is Financial Reasons!  

How do you and your spouse handle financial issues?

1.                    Is it Yours and Mine or Ours? :  How do you view the money that is brought into your household.  Viewing the income you both bring to your family, as “ours” will eliminate some of the division of money issues.  

2.                    Are you on the same page?:  Do you and your spouse have common financial goals ? Communicate with your spouse your financial desires and stick to your agreements.

3.                    Seek Professional Guidance: In these tough economical times sometimes finances are a huge issue. If you have major issues with your finances seek help with a financial counselor or debt consultation firm.

4.                    Communication: With any martial issue communication is key. Talk and listen to what your spouse has to say and take steps to compromise.

5.                    Pre-Marriage Debt- Many times people get married and are aware of financial issues that already brewing. If you married someone who already had financial issues ranging from school debt, credit card debit, or even child support payments you cannot expect these debits to disappear.  Be supportive and help your spouse concur their debt so that your marriage can continue to grow.

Here are some biblical views of divorce:  Divorce and Remarriage

With any issues that cause you and your spouse to consider Divorce, remember that positive communication is needed. If you and your spouse reach a point that you are considering Divorce don’t give up on your relationship. Seek Guidance from a professional, a church leader, or marriage educator. Remember that marriage is a Labor of Love. Most importantly Pray together and seek God together if you are seeking your “Loving Lasting Marriage”.

Shalasha

Book Review : The Five Love Languages : The Secret to Love that Lasts By : Dr. Gary Chapman

Ch 1- What Happens to Love after the Wedding

         

This chapter gets straight to the point! Do you feel that “Love” changes once you get married?  I feel that many people have so much fun with the thought of marriage, planning a wedding, and planning their honeymoon that they focus on “getting” married and not the actual Marriage. 

Once the whirlwind of getting married has died down and you and your spouse are your normal self’s focusing on normal events, problems, and just life. Sometimes people feel that the Love has changed.

Dr. Chapman points out that the fundamentally issue is that   “ People Speak Different Love languages.”

He then concludes that there are Five Love Languages. According to Dr. Chapman the Five Love languages are:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Receiving Gifts

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

Have you often wondered why your spouse does not show you that they Love you like you “imagine” they should? In turn has your spouse ever said why don’t you do X to show me you love me? This is a case of differing Love Languages!

This is a great opportunity to communicate with your Spouse! Often times we forget that our spouse is different than us and has different emotional needs.

Which of these languages do you need Love to be shown to you? Which of these languages do you think your spouse needs to be shown?


My language is Physical Touch.  A hug can make my whole day better and just make me feel better. However, I know that my husband is not . He would rather hear that he is doing a great job, that he is appreciated and loved, so his love language is Words of Affirmation. Allowing each other to express and receive love in our own language will ensure that both of our emotional needs are met. I think that will practice and thought this can be easily applied. 

Do you want to strengthen your communication of Love with your spouse? Have you experienced a rough patch in your marriage where you thought Love was lost?  Or as the man in Chapter 1 experienced even a divorce due dissolving love? I want to encourage you to join me in exploring this book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman.

You can also visit The Official Site for this Book and learn more about each love language as well as take assessments to find more about your love language.

Next week I plan to discuss Chapter 2 & Chapter 3. I hope you join me!

Shalasha

Chapman, G., & Chapman, G. D. (2010). The 5 love languages, the secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.

Wednesday Spiritual Encouragement

Children are a Blessing Unto our Marriages and Life

This week I have decided to allow the scriptures to speak for themselves on children being a blessing ……

Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

John 16:21 When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Isaiah 54:13 All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Matthew 18:10“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.

Proverbs 17:6  Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.

Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Through these scripture you can capture that one of God’s greatest gift to us are our children. I hope that these scriptures bring you some encouragement this week.

Shalasha 

GiveAway #2 - 3 Scensty Bars

I have teamed up with a great friend to offer you all a wonderful giveaway! Follow the directions and be entered to win 3 Bars of this great product. Visit my friends Scensty page on facebook if you are interested in buying this product. Hope you enjoy entering the giveaway! 

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Shalasha &

Marriage & Children

First comes Love, then comes Marriage, then comes the couple with the Baby Carriage. A little rhyme we sang as kids. Sometimes life falls into this order sometimes not. Either way children change the dynamic of a relationship.

For me, I have personally found marriage and raising a child a task that is hard to juggle. It seems that one area can easily override the other. Of course this means that in many instances my son gets most of my attention. However, this is something that I am working on to have a greater balance.

My husband and I agreed that we needed more couple time together a few months ago. Making an effort to spend time together is a priority to us.  With his busy school schedule it seems that our time is very precious.  We decided that it is worth it to hire a sitter and spend a few hours together. We have went to the movies or just eaten a meal together. This helps us reconnect with one another as well as have a break from our day-to-day routine.

Many state that hiring a sitter is an expense that they cannot afford. If you have a tight budget, check with your friends to see if they would be interested in swapping childcare.Other budget ideas would to set up a date at home, go to early showing of a movie, share a dinner, or look for coupons to local  businesses such as bowling alleys.

Have you found that Marriage with Children is harder than you imagined ? This article presents Myths about Parenthood and it’s relation to Marriage:  10 Myths about Parenthood

I now have a better understanding that ensuring that your marriage is healthy and balanced ensures that you are being a great parent. 

To gain another perspective on this topic I decided to ask a friend and blog supporter  who is Married and also a Mom a very insightful question:

How does having children affect your marriage?

Lezlie Horst is Married & a Mom. 

Married: June 18, 2005  

"We thank God for leading us together, and now, almost 7 years later, we are still very much in love. Yes, we’ve had rough patches, but doesn’t everyone at some point?  God is bigger than the problems."

Wow….not sure how to start this one.  I got pregnant with our first child 2 months after we were married, which was NOT our plan.  But it
  God’s!  So I started our family sooner than anticipated, but yet, after all the years I ran my own in-home daycare before we were married, I was somewhat prepared for the care giving part. But as to how it would affect us when we were still getting used to each other, etc.? 

I would say just from retrospect now, having 6 ½ years of marriage “under my belt”, 3 children later…….children definitely can ‘take a toll’ on your marriage, esp. if your husband is gone a lot and you resent having to share him when he gets home.  Or you are on your own a lot and wish you had more “me time”, and where you wouldn’t trade your children for anything, you’d give anything just to have a conversation or two with your spouse, WITHOUT the children’s interruptions.  You find new ways of connecting. Sometimes it’s a smile across the dinner table or across the room.  I’ve discovered a love and respect for my husband, watching how animated my children are when their daddy tells them Bible stories. He doesn’t just read to them out of the Bible, he sits on the floor in front of them and tells them a version they can understand, and livens it up.  They soak it up!!!  Teaching them songs with motions.  Watching him teach his first daughter how to ride her bike without training wheels.  I found myself falling a little deeper in love with my husband, watching him be a father.  We still related as husband to wife, yet it was because of parental activities, if that makes sense.  Sometimes I wonder how life would be, had we not had children right away, in our first year of marriage. And yet, the Lord knew that I was gong to need my firstborn, my daughter, to keep me from feeling alone when I spend our first married year, 16 hour days by myself, away from my family, in a new community, where I knew some people by name only.

There’s a lot I could say here, but not sure how to share my heart exactly.  I think children can help you see more good in each other, or you can allow it to drain you.  I have been guilty of letting myself become frustrated at my husband for not performing as I thought he should, being there when I needed him, helping with the children, etc., as I wished he would so I could at least sit down for a break.  Having children 5 ½, just turned 4 (they’re 21 mons. apart), and 18 months ~~current ages~~, will keep you hopping and weary on one hand, but delighted and loving life on the other.  What I’m saying is—it’s all in how you MAKE it.  You can CHOOSE to squelch that frustration the Devil is trying to make you see—when you’re feeling disappointed, where do you take that? My husband just made me aware the other night of how I was making him feel by texting my best friend something that had to do with him, when I was frustrated. Yet I didn’t talk to him about it , and he knew I wasn’t.  I thought I was doing him a service by not bringing up old stuff again, because it was one of those, “here we go again” deals.  Yet, I realized after he talked with me, that I was hurting, so blew off to a friend that I knew would understand.  Yet at that same time, I was further wounding my husband, who knew I was upset and choosing someone else over him to talk to about it.

These are really some great insights! Children will be a blessing to your life and Marriage. However, finding a balance varies for each couple. If you are still trying to find this balance (like me) you are not alone !  Marriage is a labor love, it takes work, time, and commit to allow it to grow.  As Lezile points out, Communication is also a key factor.  I hope you are able to use these insights to create and/or maintain your "Loving Lasting Marriage". In addition, Pray together and Seek God together if you are seeking your Loving Lasting Marriage.  If you have any insights on this topic please share ! 

Shalasha

Marrying for the RIGHT Reasons

This post is directed to answer two thoughtful questions asked by blog followers. I enjoy your comments and your opinions. I hope you all continue to read and share!

How do you KNOW that you should marry someone?  I feel that there are many factors you should consider before you decide that marriage with someone is the correct choice.

1. Emotional Reasons: Are you marrying to fill a void? Are you marrying to beat the clock? Are you marrying because it’s the “right” thing to do? There are many emotional reasons people marry and they are all the wrong reasons! 

In my opinion, I feel that YOU should address your emotional issues before marriage. Marriage will only be a crutch and unhappiness will creep up again. Marry for Love not to fill voids.

2. Lust or Love: Are you marrying someone due to chemistry or deeper reasons? I agree that chemistry is important but Love grows with character and respect.  When you are considering a person to Marry think to yourself:

·      Are there characteristics of this person that I would like to have?

·      Is this person kind to others?

·      Is this person dependable and trustworthy?

·      Does this person have a happy outlook on life?

·      Would I want my child to turn out like this person?

3. Goals and Priorities: When marrying someone you should have common goals and priorities. You should be on a common path.  For example, if you want children and the other person does not, this can be a huge roadblock in your relationship. Before you marry you should have an in-depth discussion of general goals and priorities. If there are differences then a discussion should take place to determine if you and/or your partner are willing to make compromises.

4. Abusive Behaviors:  Many relationships end due to some type of abuse. Before your Marriage you should be aware of any type of behaviors that may lead to future abuse. Abuse can range from emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. Many people confuse “control” with Love.  Is the person giving you advice or “telling” you what to do for their benefit?

5.  Unknown Circumstances: Do you have your future spouse have any skeletons in your closet?  This can range from health issues, family issues, or financial issues. Have a conversation where you and your future spouse lay out all your cards on the table. You will be surprised to know how many people say if I knew X, Y, or Z I would have had different thoughts on marriage to that person.

How long should you date before you marry ?

This is a very great question because I feel that this ranges from couple to couple. My husband and I dated for 7 years before we married but that was due to our young age when we started dating. In addition, we also decided to wait until we graduated college before marriage.

I feel that your relationship should have time to mature from the “puppy dog” stage into a “mature love” stage.  In addition, I feel that you and your future spouse should experience a miscommunication or disagreement and have a positive resolution to this issue.  If you have great communication with your partner and are able to effectively compromise I feel that you will be able to handle future miscommunications.

In my opinion, at least a full year is needed to grow your love from the “puppy dog” stage into a “mature love” stage.  The act of “getting married” is fun and exciting. However, Marriage is a labor of love.  Nothing worth having is easy. 

I didn’t begin this blog to be exclusive about God and our Marriages but that is what is tugging at my heart the most.  In the Love Story Post, Follower Ashley states that her Love Story began when she returned to God.

How amazing it is that God has our Love Stories already written for us?

Sometimes we choose the mate that we want and not the mate that we need.

Sometimes we decide and not follow.

Sometimes we are arrogant and not humble.

Pray together and Seek God together if you are seeking your Loving Lasting Marriage.

Shalasha

Book Review

      In an effort to gain more understanding of Love and Marriage I have decided to read one of the Top 10 books on the subject.  I have chosen: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary D. Chapman.

    I plan to update you each week on the portion that I have read until I finish the book. This book is available in many formats including Kindle, Nook, as well as in paperback and hardback versions. If you would like to join me in reading and discussing what we uncover, please feel free to join in the conversation! 

Marriage Resources for NC

Investing time and energy into your marriage is not a bad thing ! We take time to spruce up our homes, cars, and even our looks. Our Marriage can also use some sprucing up from time to time. 

One of my friends and a blog follower stated, “ Talking about marriage is a Taboo topic.” This is very true, I feel especially here in the South. Where our problems were taught to stay behind closed doors.  Sometimes, however, talking about your issues with others help you find solutions that you may not have thought of on your own. In addition, viewing others advice can just give you a fresh look at something you may be dealing with.

What works for one marriage may not work for another marriage, but two heads are always better than one.

As my interest in improving Marriage and Relationship deepens I am keeping my eyes and hears open to others point of view on the topic. In addition, I have researched Marriage events and resources for my local area.

Marriage Events for NC

• Festivals of Marriage's Power of the Home
• Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage
• Jay & Laura The Marriage Edu-tainers
• Love Worth Fighting For Marriage Event

                  

Marriage Resources  for NC

• NC MARRIAGE & FAMILY COUNSELOR RESOURCES

      I would LOVE to attend the  Love Worth Fighting For Marriage Conference. With a Husband in Medical School, it is hard to schedule things in advance. BUT, I am going to pray about this and hope that if it is God’s Will we will be able to attend the conference!




If you are aware of upcoming Marriage events or Marriage resources please feel free to share !

Shalasha 

A Man of Love

On Friday, I learned some upsetting news. A great and loving family member passed from this world and entered his heavenly home.  My Great-Uncle Dr. Dalton Peter Brooks.

To know my family, you would know that the normal distance of a “great” Uncle is not the same in my family. We are just “family”.  He was an Uncle who always greeted you with a hug and a smile and cared about you.

My Uncle created a humble legacy but the legacy I want to focus on is his legacy of love for his family and God. My heart goes out to his wife, my Aunt. As well as his children and his Grandchildren. Each one of these members had a very close relationship with their Husband, Father, and Grandfather that no one else can imagine.

My Aunt Doris and My Uncle Dalton were married for 51 years and created their own legacy with one another. They created a family and watched as each in turn created their own families. During this lifetime of Love my Uncle & Aunt also had (has because a relationship with God never ends) a close relationship with God. As a Pastor in addition to many other titles, my Uncle grew close to God. One of the speakers at his home going celebration described him as a friend of God.

As I prepared to go home for the services, a knock came. I answered the door and recognized two smiling faces. Two ladies from the local Jehovah’s witness community who have visited me before. I politely spoke to them and took their literature. I placed it on my kitchen table and continued to get ready.

When I returned home I decided to flip through the literature that was left by the ladies.  This literatures’ focus was on a well-known friend of God, Abraham. The qualities of Abraham are shown to us through the scriptures.

Abraham was a man of Faith: Abraham demonstrated that he believed God’s Promises. Hebrews 11:8,9,17-19

Abraham was a man of Courage: Abraham was willing to go against the crowd. Genesis 14:21,22

Abraham was a man of Humility: Abraham gladly served others. Genesis 18:1-8, 1 Peter 5:5

Abraham was a man of Love: Abraham showed that he loved his family. Genesis 18:19

Faith, Courage, Humility, and Love

These same characteristics were used in reflections of my Uncle Dalton. A friend of God, who courageously fought the good fight, stood for the word of God, gladly served others, and loved his God & family.

To live a life that you can be seen by others as a friend of God’s, to have a Christ like heart, and most rewardingly be able to enter the Kingdom’s gate is a life all Christian’s strive toward.

These past days have been bittersweet. Bitter for the aches of the loved ones left behind, bitter for the memories of past, and bitter for questions unknown. But Sweet for knowing that he is where he worked to be, in the presence of the Lord and mighty father God.

Men and Women of Faith, Courage, Humility, and Love are among us in this day and time. Examples of obedience are here. Uncle Dalton is a friend of God, and he wanted to be an example to others to also be a friend of God.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

Shalasha

Miscommunication

Each relationship has valleys and peaks. Hopefully your marriage has more days of peaks, but it would be unrealistic to say no relationship has its valleys.

One major valley that marriage can face is miscommunication, or arguments. These miscommunications can be as small as dividing responsibilities to as large as how to raise your children. Many of these types of arguments should be discussed before marriage, however views change as situations change therefore leading to disagreements.

Have you ever raised your voice, said something you regretted, or even did something you regretted when you were angry? Learning how to handle miscommunications can diminish these actions. How we handle those times we are not on one accord can be a time when our relationship with our spouse weakens or becomes stronger.

What is the main reason an argument occurs regardless of the topic? Defensiveness or in other words: “ My way is the best way!” Before your conversation escalates into an argument, let down your defensive attitude and open up to your spouse’s point of view. 

      This article provides seven tips to avoid conflict in our Marriage: Marriage Counseling Tips - 7 Ways to Handle Conflict in Marriage by Lee Hefner.

When we are in an upset/angry/defensive mood we cannot communicative in a positive manner. Of course overcoming negative ways that miscommunication takes both spouses to take action. You and your spouse should have a discussion about your communication weakness and strengthens. Discuss the ways in which you feel you can communicate in a positive manner and allow your spouse to do the same. Agree to listen, agree to compromise, and most importantly agree to follow through!

We are human and we will all have some arguments whether big or small during our marriage.  However admitting our wrongs and in turn forgiving our spouse can help us avoid resentment and future argument.

I’m Sorry / I Forgive You Challenge

We all have times when we do not want to listen but want to be heard. Times which we say things in haste that we do not truly mean. We all have times when saying “I’m Sorry” is not an easy task.

The problem I personally face is delaying saying I’m sorry until “I am ready” and not when my husband is ready. It would be easier to say I’m sorry and get the situation behind us but I decide to continue the tension by holding that sorry in.

Then there are those situations when you may say that you forgive but you continue to hold a grudge. This in turn affects your day, week, or even your year.

How much easier it would be if we said and meant both “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you”?

I challenge you and myself to take the “ I’m Sorry/I Forgive You” Challenge.

When you know you have said or done something that is hurtful or upsetting to your spouse, say & mean: I’m Sorry.

When your spouse has said or done something to you, say and mean: I forgive you .

Here are some scriptures that guide us on Communication and Conflicts:

·      Ecclesiastes 5:2

·      1 Corinthians 13:5

·      1 Peter 2: 11

·      1 Theesssalonians 5:11

·      Hebrews 10:24-25

·      Proverbs 6:2-5

·      James 4:1-2

·      Proverbs 12:13-14

·      Proverbs 15:4

·      Proverbs 17:14

·      Proverbs 29:11

I hope that you and your spouse are able to improve your communication and decrease miscommunications. Remember that marriage is a Labor of Love. Most importantly Pray together and seek God together if you are seeking your “Loving Lasting Marriage”. Please share this blog by clicking on the facebook or twitter link at the bottom of this post. Become a follower by clicking on the “join in” link. If you have a perspective, experience, or just an opinion, please share. You can contact me at Shalasha_sun@yahoo.com ! Thank you for your support!

Shalasha 

Wednesday Spiritual Encouragement

Romans 8:28 : And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (KJ)

I feel blessed to be able to share this spiritual encouragement with you today. This is my second week of my journey. A journey to help myself through helping others create and/or maintain "A Loving Lasting Marriage".  I hope that this blog can continue to be a blessing to you. This week, our spiritual encouragement was written by a guest blogger.

Here is some information about him:

 

Kevin B. Bullard, the husband half of Marriage Works!, is passionately taking a stand for healthy and functional marriages. He and his wife, Cetelia are seasoned marriage educators in North Carolina, and are parents of three young children. Join their Facebook community, follow them on Twitter, and subscribe to their blog. 

I

Where am I that I don't see him working anymore? / Can a man go so far that he

doesn't feel the presence of his closest friend?  / What about God?^[1]

           

What About God?

            I do quite a bit of marriage coaching and pre-marriage education. While I enjoy doing both and always come away pumped up and challenged, neither one of them affects me quite like performing a wedding ceremony. I consider being able to officiate a ceremony an honor, and take it very seriously.

            Recently while going over the ceremony outline I give to engaged couples, I was once again struck with how important it is that a couple build their marriage with God as the foundation. While there are plenty of marriages existing without God as the foundation, there’s that doesn’t mean everything is kosher. God is the creator of marriage, and without him, marriage doesn’t have it’s full vigor. While the husband and wife may love, honor, and serve one another, there’s still something missing: the love of God, which is unconditional, never fades, suffers long, keeps giving, and looks for the good. Without the God, a marriage has form, but no power. That’s only brought by his presence.^[2]

A Mac, Parallels, and Windows

            I’m an IT consultant by day, and a recent illustration from work aptly describes a marriage without God.

            A student came into the area where I work reporting a problem with software on his computer. He had a Mac, but needed to run software on his machine that was only made for PCs. His teacher rightly advised him to buy software called Parallels that would allow him to run the Windows operating system on his Mac. Following her counsel, the student bought, installed, and fired up Parallels. Next, he put in the disk he needed for class. That’s when he ran into trouble. The student was having difficulty getting his machine to recognize the software on the disk. Initially I thought that he had simply installed Parallels incorrectly, and just needed to reinstall it to get it functioning correctly. However, after starting up Parallels, I noticed a message that said something like this: This software cannot detect an operating system. Of course, problem solved! He had bought and installed Parallels - the software to run Windows -  but had never bought and installed Windows itself. Big problem. Parallels is made to run Windows, so without Windows, Parallels is useless. No matter what he did, the Parallels software was not going to function as it was made to function without him installing the Windows operating system.

            As I reflected on the student’s computer issue, it dawned on me that many couples do exactly what he did: they only do a part of what’s necessary to make things work right. While finding a mate and having a ceremony of some sort is necessary, it’s just the beginning.

While there’s nothing wrong with having a great ceremony, couples must realize that it lacks the power to keep a marriage together for the long haul. A marriage needs an operating system to run. It needs power. It needs agape love. In short, it needs God.

                       

What About God?

                                                So, what about God in your marriage? What role does he play? Is he a first responder or is he a last resort? Is he an essential component or is he just a spare cog? Is God the foundation of your marriage or is he just an add-on whenever you feel like something’s missing? Is God to your marriage what an operating system is to a computer or is he more like an extraneous software disk that ships with your computer that’s never been removed  from the box?

                                                I encourage you to discover or re-discover the amazing importance God plays in a marriage. As I said at the outset, while you can get married without his presence and keep a union together, it will lack the power and grace all marriages require to last and be a great blessing to others. It will be missing God’s blessing, wisdom, knowledge, and help. In short, it will be missing the operating system it needs to function. Don’t make the mistake of leaving God out of your marriage. Be alert and discerning to ensure God has a place in your marriage, and is leading it as it grows. Seek God individually and as a couple. Invite him into your midst, and aim to please him with your words and deeds. Only then will your marriage have the proper foundation it needs exist and be full of power.

---

^[1] CrystalLewis.com, What About God, http://www.crystallewis.com/2008/lyrics/whataboutgod.html (September 8, 2011)

^[2] Biblos.com, 2 Timothy 3:5, http://bible.cc/2_timothy/3-5.htm (September 6, 2011)

Communication

I have decided to focus on the topic of communication this week.  I am sure that each of us has faced a time in our relationship and/or marriage that communication has been an issue.

Effective Communication is a key to " A Loving Lasting Marriage". In a healthy functioning relationship, especially marriage communication is important to both spouses. When we are able to effectively communicate with our spouse we are able to not only talk but also listen. 

One great communication tip I have learned is very simple. By repeating what you hear, you validate to the person that what they said was heard. This allows you to think about what was said as well as allows the person to feel that you are truly listening. Another great tip that I have also learned is to not assume anything. Do not assume that what you want is known. Explain what you need in a clear and easy manner. For example, instead of stating " I need more support." You could say : " I would love for you to support me in __ by doing ____and ____."

Many forget that communication is a multiple part process. Listening to and accommodating the needs requested is a major part of communication. For example, imagine yourself at a drive thru. You order your meal and then drive up to the window. When you get to the window, a person with a puzzled look greets you with an empty bag. How would you feel and how would you handle this situation? Later this week we will address how to properly handle miscommunications. Please feel free to e-mail or message me with techniques you and your spouse use to avoid conflicts.

In our quest to understand how to communicate better with our spouse, lets first understand why communication is a hard task. Did you know that is a scientific fact that women and men communicate differently? I have read this several times including in various literatures about raising boys.

Here is an article that goes into more details about the difference in men and women’s communication styles. This article is by Dr. Susan Sherwood.  Gender Gap

I will have to admit that I am guilty of number 2 of the list, something I will have to work on! Improving your whole communication process at one time is a huge challenge, but focusing on one small issue is doable. Which communication issue in the article can you relate to the most?  Take small steps to improve in that area with your spouse.

Stayed tuned this week as we further discuss Communication and I will be issuing a “ Communication Challenge”!

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Shalasha