Marriage & Children

First comes Love, then comes Marriage, then comes the couple with the Baby Carriage. A little rhyme we sang as kids. Sometimes life falls into this order sometimes not. Either way children change the dynamic of a relationship.

For me, I have personally found marriage and raising a child a task that is hard to juggle. It seems that one area can easily override the other. Of course this means that in many instances my son gets most of my attention. However, this is something that I am working on to have a greater balance.

My husband and I agreed that we needed more couple time together a few months ago. Making an effort to spend time together is a priority to us.  With his busy school schedule it seems that our time is very precious.  We decided that it is worth it to hire a sitter and spend a few hours together. We have went to the movies or just eaten a meal together. This helps us reconnect with one another as well as have a break from our day-to-day routine.

Many state that hiring a sitter is an expense that they cannot afford. If you have a tight budget, check with your friends to see if they would be interested in swapping childcare.Other budget ideas would to set up a date at home, go to early showing of a movie, share a dinner, or look for coupons to local  businesses such as bowling alleys.

Have you found that Marriage with Children is harder than you imagined ? This article presents Myths about Parenthood and it’s relation to Marriage:  10 Myths about Parenthood

I now have a better understanding that ensuring that your marriage is healthy and balanced ensures that you are being a great parent. 

To gain another perspective on this topic I decided to ask a friend and blog supporter  who is Married and also a Mom a very insightful question:

How does having children affect your marriage?

Lezlie Horst is Married & a Mom. 

Married: June 18, 2005  

"We thank God for leading us together, and now, almost 7 years later, we are still very much in love. Yes, we’ve had rough patches, but doesn’t everyone at some point?  God is bigger than the problems."

Wow….not sure how to start this one.  I got pregnant with our first child 2 months after we were married, which was NOT our plan.  But it
  God’s!  So I started our family sooner than anticipated, but yet, after all the years I ran my own in-home daycare before we were married, I was somewhat prepared for the care giving part. But as to how it would affect us when we were still getting used to each other, etc.? 

I would say just from retrospect now, having 6 ½ years of marriage “under my belt”, 3 children later…….children definitely can ‘take a toll’ on your marriage, esp. if your husband is gone a lot and you resent having to share him when he gets home.  Or you are on your own a lot and wish you had more “me time”, and where you wouldn’t trade your children for anything, you’d give anything just to have a conversation or two with your spouse, WITHOUT the children’s interruptions.  You find new ways of connecting. Sometimes it’s a smile across the dinner table or across the room.  I’ve discovered a love and respect for my husband, watching how animated my children are when their daddy tells them Bible stories. He doesn’t just read to them out of the Bible, he sits on the floor in front of them and tells them a version they can understand, and livens it up.  They soak it up!!!  Teaching them songs with motions.  Watching him teach his first daughter how to ride her bike without training wheels.  I found myself falling a little deeper in love with my husband, watching him be a father.  We still related as husband to wife, yet it was because of parental activities, if that makes sense.  Sometimes I wonder how life would be, had we not had children right away, in our first year of marriage. And yet, the Lord knew that I was gong to need my firstborn, my daughter, to keep me from feeling alone when I spend our first married year, 16 hour days by myself, away from my family, in a new community, where I knew some people by name only.

There’s a lot I could say here, but not sure how to share my heart exactly.  I think children can help you see more good in each other, or you can allow it to drain you.  I have been guilty of letting myself become frustrated at my husband for not performing as I thought he should, being there when I needed him, helping with the children, etc., as I wished he would so I could at least sit down for a break.  Having children 5 ½, just turned 4 (they’re 21 mons. apart), and 18 months ~~current ages~~, will keep you hopping and weary on one hand, but delighted and loving life on the other.  What I’m saying is—it’s all in how you MAKE it.  You can CHOOSE to squelch that frustration the Devil is trying to make you see—when you’re feeling disappointed, where do you take that? My husband just made me aware the other night of how I was making him feel by texting my best friend something that had to do with him, when I was frustrated. Yet I didn’t talk to him about it , and he knew I wasn’t.  I thought I was doing him a service by not bringing up old stuff again, because it was one of those, “here we go again” deals.  Yet, I realized after he talked with me, that I was hurting, so blew off to a friend that I knew would understand.  Yet at that same time, I was further wounding my husband, who knew I was upset and choosing someone else over him to talk to about it.

These are really some great insights! Children will be a blessing to your life and Marriage. However, finding a balance varies for each couple. If you are still trying to find this balance (like me) you are not alone !  Marriage is a labor love, it takes work, time, and commit to allow it to grow.  As Lezile points out, Communication is also a key factor.  I hope you are able to use these insights to create and/or maintain your "Loving Lasting Marriage". In addition, Pray together and Seek God together if you are seeking your Loving Lasting Marriage.  If you have any insights on this topic please share ! 

Shalasha